no regrets.

the day finally came. the end. it was a peaceful end, my father took his last two breaths yesterday in the loving arms of my mother, his wife since 31 years.

as i stated in my last post, i was in stockholm. the beautiful moment when the plane broke through the clouds i thought about him suddenly. a thought of complete freedom and love surviving death into eternity. and i felt so good. i felt this was the right decision, my father approved of me flying away, continuing with my life.

two hours later i got the call. the call i had been dreading for so long i can not remember a time without the fear. it took me a while and some phone calls with a few close friends to realise that the fear was gone. everything really is okay in the end.

i put on the most beautiful dress i own. i wore my hair long and my anchor earrings (which i  got many years ago because dad had similar cufflinks.) i held my chin high and walked into the house of nobility. only a few knew and that’s the way i wanted to keep it. with the help of these friends and especially one very special person, the night turned out to be more than bearable.

thank you all for your condolences, prayers and thoughts. dad is in a better place now, but he will never be completely gone from my life. pappa, jag tycker så mycket om dig. pusspuss, sov så gott, täck väl in dig och om du ser nån mat så spring fast den!

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6 comments

  1. Fredrik · · Reply

    Stor kram åt dig vännen. Jag träffade aldrig din pappa, men det är tydligt att han uppfostrade en stark, självständig och underbar människa. Jag önskar dig krafter och tänker på dig.

    1. tack, omtanken värmer! det är en ny vardag att ta itu med nu, saknaden kommer vara enorm. kram!

  2. Stor kram till dej Chia och hela familjen! ❤

  3. Karolina & Micke · · Reply

    Så mycket fint du skrivit om din pappa här. En stor kram från oss!

    1. tack! det är lätt att skriva fint om en man som var fin 🙂

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