‘cuz i got high

okay. yesterday when i said i’m out of options what to do about my back pain, i wasn’t actually telling the whole truth. i did have one more idea up my sleeve.

when attending a congress in versailles some years ago i suffered from a herniated disc. it was as painful as it gets, me crying in severe cramps on the floor, not understanding anything but swedish at the time, my friend not understanding any french and the older couple we were staying at not understanding a word english. wonderful mishmash of screaming voices and languages, somehow SOS mĂ©decins got there. an hour later i found myself standing again, on the phone with some finnish insurance bloke. the doctor did speak a very good english when it was about medical stuff, but not enough to understand anything about my insurance. so there i was, in a house that once was the home of the forest keeper of versailles at 3 a.m. in my underwear, with a tongue not working (i had been sucking on a piece of sugar soaked with some heavy muscle relaxant) trying to interpret finnish into french and vice versa. when finishing the call, the doctor looked at his watch and told me it’s time for me to go to bed, i will most likely go out in a couple of minutes.. the last thing i remember is wondering why my friend’s bed in the other end of the room kept spinning clockwise instead of counter-clockwise.

the next day i went to the pharmacy with a handwritten piece of paper from the doctor. the pharmacist looked at me and wondered “pour vous madame?” apparently the prescribed medicine was strong enough to cure a dead horse, the pharmacist didn’t think anyone who could stand on her own two feet would be in need of drugs that heavy… he told me to try to stick to this and that box, and keep away from the other two if i wanted to remember anything from my visit.

and that’s why i have a cupboard filled with french drugs, two boxes of which i have never even dared to try due to the look on the pharmacist’s face. yesterday evening i decided it was time. i chose the one with codeine, mostly because i still had no idea what the other one really was.

expecting a miracle i went to bed. but nooo. i couldn’t fall asleep this night either. my arms and legs were heavy, my back was still aching but that didn’t really matter. i was busy laughing. the more i tried not to laugh out loud at my own thoughts, the more i of course did. at one point i thought this will end with my neighbours admitting me into a mental institution and that prospect was simply hilarious since i’ve lost count on how many times that dear assistant of mine has told me that’s where i belong.

back on earth today it’s fair to say i’m not touching that box again. and the other one, the one i don’t even know what it is.. well, let’s just conclude that my back will have to get a lot worse than this for me to even consider trying that.

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