du ska svära lite så går det bättre

six months. already. only.

went to the grave yesterday. couldn’t find it. since i had already lit the candle i was determined however to at least give it a shot. tried to put my steps so that i would walk on the stone edge of another grave i knew was there somewhere. it went pretty well, the snow only came up to my knees. then i took one wrong step and i was down to my waist.. i heard myself saying out loud satans jesus! and then i started laughing. in my head i heard the rest of the harangue …nu är han här igen de satane..

i mumbled something about it being a bit rude to swear like that in a grave yard, but dad wouldn’t hear it. in my head he continued explaining that things get done a lot easier if you swear a little. so i continued groaning about where the hell he is under all this f*ing white shit and decided to just put down my hand and hope for the best. i immediately found the stone and dad’s voice in my head grinned you see, it helped. i muttered jaja, fine, but i still don’t think it’s kosher to swear in a grave yard. and if someone would see me..

oh stop looking at the screen with that now-she’s-lost-it-face. i know you all talk to yourselves sometimes, i’m just gutsy enough to actually admit it 😉

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2 comments

  1. Don’t worry, I think talking to oneself is actually very healthy (even swearing -“to swear” is also “svära”?): nothing like explaining things to oneself in order to understand them a bit better!! Really useful. I pretend I’m talking to my dogs, just in case anybody notices and thinks I’ve gone off my head (but do they think it’s saner to explain things to your dogs??).
    It’s nice you took the candle. I always light candles for my parents and grandparents in the churches I visit. Nice coloured light and it just shows you remember and think about them!!
    Also, it’s so nice you went to all the effort, fighting through the snow!!

  2. well yes, it occurred to me i hadn’t visited the grave alone. i’ve always been there with someone else, and since i was in the neighbourhood.. i had not however expected it to be so much snow there, dunno what i was thinking really..

    but it was somewhat hilarious to have that conversation there on my own.. i always used to tease my father for the fact that he was not a man of the church but every single thing that ever went wrong he always blamed jesus… it’s those everyday things you realise you miss the most, but all the same you also realise that those are the things that will forever stay.

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