I know some of you have been wondering why I’m talking about job hunting when reasonably content with my current position. Here, let me explain…
I’ve always lived in Finland. Although I’ve always had a feeling I’m not really where I’m supposed to be in the end, I’ve always had a reason (or an excuse really, I’m fully aware of that) not to go anywhere else. I only actually realised that some four years ago, when the truth suddenly stood there, looking me in the eye, turning my whole world upside-down.
We all make our choices in life. I started working full time after only two years at the university (still taking a few courses when possible), making it impossible to go abroad for a semester or two. A few years later, when I returned full time to finish my bachelor’s, it was too late to go according to the rules of my university. When continuing for a master’s, I started working full time once more, as it seemed the best thing to do at the time.
I got my degree, but a time after, my father got ill. Even though I wanted nothing more than to follow my upside-down-turned heart, I also knew I would always regret it if I went. So I stayed. Dad passed away a year later, and realising my brain was not ready for usage after the year from hell, I stayed a little bit longer, still not listening to my crying heart.
Another six months passed. Not knowing what I wanted in life, and blinded by tears, I decided I had to start somewhere. I had been working as head of office for the university book store for almost six years, something I by then could handle in my sleep. I came to the conclusion I needed to kick start my brain by finding a temporary new job, and only a week later, without really doing anything, I got a job offer. A maternity cover. Deal. Cool. In about eleven months, I would HAVE TO move (on). My heart could live with that.
That was until the woman I was covering for decided to move to Brazil. Come ooon.. Here I had been talking about leaving, and she ends up being the one getting on a plane. What kind of messed up humour does the universe have?
Two and a half years later, I’m still here. Of course I like it, I wouldn’t have stayed this long otherwise. But is this where my heart is? No. Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? No.
To top it off, I work at the university where I got my degrees from. And where the book store is. In other words, give or take a few, I’ve been in the same building for fourteen years this autumn. Yes, you read correctly. Fourteen. Years.
I need to get away.
Edit: Does my boss know about this? Yes. I am blessed with the most understanding boss, which is one reason for me not panicking when life keeps throwing me curve balls.