Today I’m really not in the mood for anything. Telecommuting, which means I’ve only just gotten out of bed, where I’ve been answering emails and putting together an excel file all morning. Wondering if I should get up at all, and finally deciding I should at least move to the kitchen table. Now all loaded with fresh coffee, computer, telephone and iPad. Still feeling.. meh.
Watched the first episode of the fourth series of Downton Abbey yesterday, and I think that is what got me in this lame state of being right now. A lot of thoughts on the years gone by as well as on the present being like it is.. it makes the future a scary place. There are so many things I want in life, yet I can’t seem to focus enough to get any of them. I spend the days here in Helsinki either at work (since I have to earn money somehow) or daydreaming away. Watching way too much television, that’s for sure. It’s simply a habit I just can’t seem to be bothered to snap out of, even though I’ve always preferred a good book to an hour of entertainment. (I’d like to add though that there are programmes, like Big Brother for instance, that I do not, under any circumstance, watch. Just so we’re clear on that..)
Funny thing is, when I’m away from the apartment I call home, I almost despise television. And I think that is one reason for me being happier when out in the world, or at Gerby. Out there I’m too busy living. Too interested in what goes on around me, in the people I meet, in the situations I find myself in. But then I return home, from Gerby, from London, from Brussels… and I seem to forget to live again. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Groundhog Day. I come home, prepare supper, and start scrolling through the channels. Hopefully something worthwhile watching is on. Bored out of my mind, to say the least.
You know what else is funny. I started out writing this thinking about all the things in life I want to do, and somehow it ended up accusing television of keeping me from living my dreams. Go figure.
Speaking of. Read a really well written blog post yesterday about being bored because of too much nonsense input, you can read it here whilst I leave my excel file and the computer in general. I’m gonna throw out all summer clothes from my closet, in hope of getting some energy. Feng shui and all that, you know..