Late Saturday night. All alone. First free Saturday evening in seven or eight weeks I think. First night in over two weeks home alone after my niece left earlier today. Trying to reconnect with myself. Not sure it’s going all too well. Too many thoughts twirling around under the copper helmet. A year soon coming to an end. Another one waiting to begin. What a weird year it’s been. But I think that will be another post, later on…
It was nice having the niece here. Only ten years younger than me, she sometimes feels more like my baby sister, at least up until she suddenly calls me Auntie in an extra clear voice. Those are the times I turn around and see the five year old girl, so unbelievable angry with me cutting my hair that she wouldn’t let me touch her Barbie dolls anymore (only girls with long hair were allowed to play with her dolls apparently), and I wonder where the years have gone.
Anyway. Couldn’t really wind down enough to read a book, so decided to see what I had saved on my digibox. Found One Day. Loved the book when I read it some years back, hadn’t seen the film, so threw myself in the sofa with some chocolates and roasted cashews.
As usual, the book proved to be much better (if you haven’t read it, put it on your list, it’s a wise, funny and sad story of Emma and Dexter spending 20 years on trying to figure out if they are more than just friends, when the answer is painfully clear for everyone around them), but nevertheless the film got me thinking about life. Pretty interesting how much really comes down to timing. Jobs you get, friends you find, lovers you meet. Not to mention all close calls you have probably had without ever knowing about them.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe everything happens for a reason, even though we might not understand it at the time. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to trust this more and more. For instance, except for the odd summer job, I’ve never actually replied to an ad and gotten the job. All important jobs I’ve had, have come to me when I’ve really needed them. Which is why I had a nagging feeling of being thwarted all year long when I was looking for a job in London. I’ve never in my life written so many job applications as I did last winter and spring. I lost count of the stairs I run and up down to meet with recruiting agencies and headhunters. My old readers know I took out a lot of frustration here on the blog…
However. Without really understanding what happened, the spring day came when I was presented in national radio as a blogger. Eh, huh? As I’ve stated in earlier posts, I never really paid any attention to all these people telling me I perhaps should write more, so being presented like that, threw me a bit off guard. Until someone, at the right time and in the right place a few months ago, told me I need to write, and I realised the truth behind those words. That’s exactly what I’ve wanted to do since I was a child, I’ve just pushed it away for years. And the very minute I decided to stop looking for jobs in London, I got the offer to start Friday Flats Travel Blog. Nagging feeling, be gone.
What baffles me tonight is that all this is so easy to see when it comes to jobs and other physical things (like why it’s sometimes good that your house literally falls into pieces…), yet so hard to trust when it comes to people.
Are each and one of us just an Emma or Dexter in our own disillusioned fairytale of a life, or does anyone know what (s)he’s doing?
Just wondering. Here on my own. This late Saturday night.